What girls actually mean when they speak:
Because guys (and some butch girls (lesbos) can't understand them here's a brief overview of the terminology used by females:
"I'm fine" - Screw You, pay attention to me or you're not getting any
"It's not your fault" - It is so your damn fault you schlag
"leave me alone" - Seriously, come near me and i will SNAP IT [your penis] IN 2
"I look horrible tonight" - you have three seconds to come up with a list of reasons why this outfit/hairstyle suits me perfectly-or i WILL SNAP IT IN 2 (again-so that'll be 4)
"I'll get the cheque this time" - Nice try, but you're gona be with your right hand tonight.
"Don't worry, there's no need for you to buy me a present" - I expect a gift that expresses your feelings for me precisely. And a card.And it better be damn expensive
"I need some space" - Come near me and you're never seeing me naked again
"We need to talk" - I'm pregnant. HAHA YOU'RE SCREWED JACKASS
"Fine." - As of now, The conversation has ended. Talk again and it's nails in your eyeballs.
"I don't want to ruin our friendship" - (The girl's version of the f - word, in other words, FUCK YOU!) You're just not hot enough for me. Can't be asked to tell you this because i like your personality and therefore want to hang around with you, and I want you to think you have a chance so you stay
"5 minutes" - half an hour, possibly more. (do not attempt to wait it out on your feet. find a sofa.)
"Nothing" - Everything. Dick
*Loud sigh* - You are an idiot. Why am i waisting my time arguing with you over 'Nothing'
"Go ahead" (eyebrows raised) - Just try it. (This is not permission, this is a dare. Often followed by 'fine')
"Go ahead" (eyebrows normal) - Whatever. (This is not permission either. The true meaning is closer to 'I give up' or 'Do what you want because I don't care.' From here on there is a high risk of raised eyebrows.)
"Thanks a lot" - Thanks for nothing. ('thanks a lot' is not to be confused with 'thanks'. A woman will say 'thanks a lot' when she is annoyed at you. It is usually followed by the 'loud sigh'.)
'"I love you so much!" - I'm leaving you in 5 days and I'm keeping all your stuff.
"I love you, I'm just not IN love with you" - (see 'I don't want to ruin our friendship')
"I just wish you would understand" - I am perfectly aware that you have no idea what I'm talking about. Now i will watch you squirm as you desperately try to comprehend.
"I can't deal with this any more" - The chances of me being wrong in this particular situation appear to be gradually increasing. I wish to halt all further proceedings to avoid a displeasing outcome.
"I'm just so busy right now" -I currently have many priorities that unfortunately rank higher than you. SOMEONE has to buy those shoes, and my nails aren't going to paint themselves.
"Do I look fat in this?" - We haven't had a fight in a while.
"Whatever" - You wanker.
"It's alright, pizza's fine." - You cheap wanker.
"Oh my god, [actress/singer/attractive friend] is SO pretty." - Tell me I'm ten times as beautiful. Say it Bitch. AHAHA YOU'RE WHIPPED
"No." - No. (despite what you would like to believe, mr. drunken frat boy, no really does mean no*)
(*except when it means yes.)
"You can hang out with your mates instead, I dont mind" - We both know that over the course of the next hour, my subtle mind games and ice-edged voice tones will grind your guilty concience to mental dust. you will stay with me. we will watch this chick-flick. you will smile and enjoy it, and in the end, you will thank me.
"I've got a headache" - Unknown to you, you did something which insulted me greatly (not that I can remember what, though), and you won't be getting anything tonight.
"That's okay" - I am still deciding how and when you will pay for this mistake. enjoy the time you have left.
"Don't worry about it, i got it" - I have instructed you to do this job on SEVERAL occasions, and yet it remains undone. i will do it myself, whilst simultaneously glaring, tutting, and rolling my eyes. (from which point the normally innocent question; 'what's wrong?' is fatal. do NOT ask, no matter how much she prompts you.)
"I'm a Girl, i can do everything-meaning that they can do pretty much infinitite things,which is a lie-"Just because you can't multi-task."
"Lets do something fun."- I wanna watch you suffer bitch hahaha.
*Tears* "I F*****G HATE YOU!"- you did somthing wrong and now you must get away from me in 3 seconds or you are a dead man walking!
"I think we should just be friends for now" - I'm not gonna go out with you, your a loser!
"i think we should do it all night long... with more girls!!!" - I am an alien from a strange planet masquerading as a human woman for research purposes.
"... Woman's intuition" - Like hell I know what I'm talking about
"I love you." - LOL! I CANT BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY BELIEVED THAT! Wanker.
"You have got to joking"- she is not impressed by the $45, 000 car you have just bought to show off to your mates. She won't be speaking to you for the next 48 hours, i suggest you go back home for the next week and show up in a different car
"I like you alot... BUT"- i suggest you to run at the word "BUT"
"OH MY GOD I AHD THE BEST TIME WITH [insert guys name here]"- be worried, be very worried, unless the guy is gay, and you actually know that.
1 opmerking:
Geweeeldig =D
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